I just wanted to let you all know that I probably won't have a computer for a while so I don't know how much I'll be able to update.

Oh well. With exams coming up I guess I should start studying anyway.

- Will be back soon.

Goodness me. Everything was fine on the emotions front until I read what all of my friends had written to me on my tie-dyed school shirt. Then my emotional dam (otherwise known as "denial") opened up and as the tears started coming I was thinking, Oh Boy, here we go... Man, I'm such a girl these days. I suddenly realize that I'm not going to be going to the same school as Susan anymore, or Sabs, or Andrea, or any of my other friends. Over the years they have become more important to me that they'll ever know and oh GOD I'm going to so flounder without them all next year.

---

Dido - "Don't Leave Home"

Like a ghost I'll need a key, I've come to thee
And please don't think of getting up for me
You don't even need to speak

When I've been here for just one day
You'll already miss me if I go away
So close the blinds and shut the door
You won't need other friends anymore
Oh, don't leave home
Oh, don't leave home

And if you're cold, I'll keep you warm
And if you're alone just hold on
'Cause I will be your safety
Oh, don't leave home

And I arrived when you were weak
I'll make you weaker, weaker still
Now all your love you give to me when your heart is all I'll need
Oh, don't leave home
Oh, don't leave home

And if you're cold, I'll keep you warm
And if you're alone just hold on
'Cause I will be your safety
Oh, don't leave home

Oh how quiet, quiet the world can be
When it's just you and little me
Everything is clear, everything is new
So you won't be leaving with..the dew...

And if you're cold, I'll keep you warm
And if you're alone just hold on
'Cause I will be your safety
Oh, don't leave home

Because I will be your safety
I will be your safety
I will be your safety
Oh, don't leave home

---

Love you all.

(Download the Dido song now.)

Yesterday was my last full day of classes and it barely even felt like it was all really over. I'm never going to have another Ms. Ziniuk Calculus class with Evelyn and Melanie, another Mrs. Lewandowski Accounting class with Sabs, not paying attention, or a crazy Mme. Seguin French class. But it just doesn't feel like it's over; not really, anyway. Who knows if I'll ever even have another English class or if I'll end up taking all of the Englishes (that's unlikely, for sure, but...this is just speculation) -- maybe Finite/Stats will be a big part of my life...or maybe not. Baaaah. I don't care anymore.

Maybe I don't feel like it's over because...well, because it's not. I still have to write this friggin' French essay today (maybe if I double-space and change the font and the margins . . . ) plus I've got 3 exams that I seem to have pushed to the back of my mind. Hmm. I should probably study for those sometime...

Maybe I'll feel more like it's all ending after Grad morning (which consists of the Carnival and Grad Chapel) on Monday... Who knows. I'm going to miss everyone so much next year -- because I love being able to see my school friends 5 days a week...

And I'll miss my friends who don't go to my school, too... Tiffany, did you decide where you're going yet? Mac?

Anyway that's it for now... On I go to the end of the beginning of the beginning of the end.

I can't f&#%ing work right now. Why do we have a French summative???? Was the mock exam not enough???

But then, though, it's true we haven't been evaluated on any of the literature...but still........it's my party and I'll whine if I want to...

Gaaah! Why? Oh man, this sucks.
Hmm. Is it really due tomorrow? And it's...8:23 pm? And I haven't started writing the essay yet? Hmmm. Hmmmm.

GAAAAAAH.

I can't believe we didn't read Hamlet in English class this year. Isn't that, like, the one book that everyone is supposed to have read by the time high school is over?

Grrr, Arrgh. Oh well, at least I've already read it on my own...

    

On Thursday I went to see Star Wars, Episode II: Attack Of The Clones...not a terrible, terrible movie but clearly not a good one. Yesterday I watched two movies that fared better: The Importance Of Being Earnest and Murder By Numbers. The latter was pretty much a standard, good-police-people-have-to-discover-and-track-down-the-bad-people type; not bad. T.I.O.B.E. was fairly enjoyable; there are a lot of very funny bits and it's worth a watch if you've read the play or even if you haven't (Susan hadn't read it, but she really liked the movie).



Uh, well then...what else? Um, I'm preferably going to start sending in my acceptance of a university offer sometime this weekend; who knows? I also have to figure out what the @#*$ I'm doing for my English panel discussion. . . .

There are only four more days of classes left for me. That means there are exactly 10 more classes left. Oh dear God. I've had 13 years and now there are only four short days left. What the hell do I do now?? Gaaah.

Hmm. Well maybe then I'd at least have some time (oh wait...after exams, that is) to actually read some sort of book. I still have to finish The Edge Of Reason so I can give it back to AT and giving The Clan Of The Cave Bear to Evelyn for her birthday has reminded me that it's been a really, really long time since I read it and loved it way back in Grade 8......

Well, we'll see what happens. Everything is so uncertain all the time. It's exhausting sometimes.

13/19 x 100 = 68.4 %

This is the percentage of my 19 years of life that I have spent attending BSS and what do they have to say? "You don't count as a survivor because you weren't here in Kindergarten". Well BIG whoopdeedoo. I still say I count and some others have told me in their minds I count too. :) So I guess that'll have to do. I know I should count - some years Grade One people have counted, I remember. Just not this one, I suppose.

I remember there was one year where my parents asked if I wanted to switch and go to UTS instead, and I remember that part of my (probably irrational) decision was that if I stayed at BSS long enough I'd count as a survivor. Oh well. Guess that's gone out the window.

All the things that I used to say
All the words that got in the way
All the things that I used to know
Have gone out the window
All the things that she used to bring
All the songs she used to sing
All the favorite TV shows
Have gone out the window
- "When It's Over", Sugar Ray

Hmm. Well today I went to see Spider-Man again because my cousin Evelyn is over at our house for the weekend and she hadn't seen it yet. I still like it. Sabs thought it was boring when she saw it a second time, but maybe that was because she saw it two days in a row . . .



Roswell's SERIES FINALE is airing this Tuesday...I can't believe they're actually cancelling it this time. It's been "on the bubble" ever since it started, but has managed to generate a scarily-loyal fan base. Seriously. At the end of the show's first season all the fans sent bottles of Tabasco sauce (the aliens' favorite condiment) to the network and actually helped to keep the show on the air. This year, though, not even that helped. The people who make the show don't want it to go on anymore. In fact, some of the cast members wanted to move on at the end of last season, a year ago, but stayed on when the show was picked up for its third and final season. *sigh* I will miss Roswell a lot.

There are also unconfirmed (but reliable) news that the next season of Buffy, Season 7, will be its last. Among other reasons, evil creator dude Joss Whedon is apparently so busy working on all of his other little stupid (well, except for Angel...and I haven't actually seen any of the others) projects that he doesn't have time to concentrate on Buffy as much, and if he doesn't have time to put as much effort into his "baby", then he doesn't want it to go on...Nicholas Brendon (who plays Xander) says that at least the show will go out on a high note . . .

Excuse me while a feeling of surging panic goes through me. I'll be fine, really. Fine.
*cracks* No I won't. Help me. They can't cancel my shows. AAAAAAH No no no....what the hell do they all think they're doing? They can't cancel my shows!! Aaaaah! *said à la Spike* Bloody hell...

Well I thought I should mention that I went to see Spider-Man on Friday -- it was good! I enjoyed it. Some rather convenient plot devices, mind you, but enjoyable. If someone else wanted to watch it, I think I'd go again. It's just fun. :)

Anyway, Sabs, here's the picture I promised, just for you....

I've known about cartoon dolls for a long time now but a friend recently discovered them and so I've started playing with the drag-and-drop dollmakers again. It's jolly good fun. Sometimes it's hard to find clothing that looks like something that I would wear, but it's fun to try different things anyway. ;)

All right, so I have no life. Or very little of one. And so what if I'm currently editing my English ISU essay (what, you couldn't tell how hard I was concentrating?)?

I hadn't heard Our Lady Peace's new song "Somewhere Out There" on the radio before today, and today on the way home from school I heard it twice in a row.

That makes me happy. :)